Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
