Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Houston, we have a blender
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
