I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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