My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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