Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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