i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
