the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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