you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
