I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
