isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will pee on everything he values.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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