I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
