am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
