how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
