The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who died my cat blue again?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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