Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize