I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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