Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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