through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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