maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
