I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
