I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
