somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
