you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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