Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
