this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
