Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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