she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
