You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
