Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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