Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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