I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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