My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
