I wannas sexs uuuuu
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
