Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
