theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
