Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
