well you can't waste a boner
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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