how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
