You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
