I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
