i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
