ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sober January is a disaster.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
