If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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