My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016