i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
