Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.