she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
