im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
