i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
