I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
