i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
