Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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