and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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