did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
