i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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