Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
