If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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