I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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