Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
