I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
