Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
