woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
