He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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