That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
