last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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