He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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