Can Purell be used as lube?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
