I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
