oh god the rape fog is back!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize