After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
