Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
