someone threw a dead crab at me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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