theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I enjoy the company of your penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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