i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
