The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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