TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
