captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize