I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
